My Grandpa: Vernon "Tex' De Haven

Vernon “Tex” De Haven

1908-1985

My grandfather from my father's side (where I get my last name) was actually not a blood relative. "Tex" was my grandma Rainy's second husband. He married my grandmother while she was pregnant (by her first husband) with my father. After first dating my grandmother Rainy's sister he came into the picture to basically save Rainy from an abusive, alcoholic husband. According to family lore, Rainy finally decided to cut ties with her first husband when, while drunk, he almost shot her in the stomach while she was pregnant with my father. Whenever I ask about my grandfather, my dad and aunt express nothing but gratitude and respect for the stable father figure and provider that he proved to be, saving my grandmother and her family from a truly desperate situation in the small town of Skagway, Alaska.

(Side note: This complicated situation with him remarried my grandmother while she was pregnant has led many to believe that I have Dutch roots because of his last name but as far as I'm aware I have no Dutch ancestry.)

Born the youngest of four children to Wilbur and Lula De Haven in Nebraska, Tex had a rough childhood. His mother died in 1918 and his father died just four years later in 1922, leaving him without parents at the young age of 14. After that, he was forced to leave home and work on his own as his siblings could not support him. I seem to recall him getting his nickname from herding cattle from Nebraska to Texas.

(It puzzled me at first when I noticed my dad calling grandpa "Tex" instead of "Dad." When I asked him why he didn't call him "Dad", my father just replied that it was because he was his step-father.)

"Tex" as a child.

After retiring from working for Alaska Railroad, he and grandma would spend a few months at each of his children’s and relative's homes in different states. They would spend 3 months each in California (visiting my father in Arcadia and their other son in San Diego), Nebraska (visiting his relatives), Texas (where his daughter and other son lived), and Washington state (where great-grandma Edith and her daughter Ellen lived). I always knew he and grandma Rainy were coming when I saw their large dark green truck pulling around the corner to our house. Mom would take out the "World's Best Grandpa" and "World's Best Grandma" mugs and Dad would put a few beers in the fridge. (His visits would also be the only time in our house when there would be beer in the house as neither of my parents drank)

Tex, in a rare picture with my brother. 

As a child, I found him to be a very quiet, serious person who was very good with his hands. He would use these skills to build all sorts of things for my family. He made a large wooden box with all sorts of locks and doors for my brother to play with, cabinets for my mother, and a nice white curved desk for me which was attached to the wall. It never showed its age, remaining in near perfect shape until we had to sell the house a few decades later. It made me sad when the cleaning crew took a sledgehammer to it to break it off the wall and trash it. I really wish I could have left it for the next family to use. 

(Side note: I remember hearing that he was extremely angry to find out that, after using the finest wood, my mother painted over his beautiful handmade cupboards with yellow paint!)

Here I am in my bedroom, at my beautiful desk made by grandpa.

Grandpa was a bit mysterious to me. As I was quite young at the time I never really had any deep conversations with him. I remember one incident when one of our cats tried to get on his lap while he was sitting down. He roughly brushed off the cat, forcing it to lose its balance and catch one of its claws in the chair. She cried out in pain until she quickly got her claw un-caught. For a young boy such as I who was raised to love our cats as family members, it was quite a shock. My mom at the time explained to me that he was raised on a farm and didn't see animals in the same way as we did.

A side of grandpa I never knew.

There were sides of my grandfather that I only found out about long after his passing. For example, I was told by a couple relatives that the reason that he moved his family from Skagway to Anchorage was for racial reasons. My mother said that he had said, "There were too many natives around" and my aunt said, "He didn't want me ending up marrying a native." I was a bit surprised to hear this at first because I had never heard anything racist come out of his mouth when he was alive but in the context of his generation and his upbringing, I could understand it without excusing it. 

I try not to let stories like these cloud my picture of him though. I don't know all the details of all the struggles he went through in his life. I do know for sure that he had the respect and love of his wife and children and had never given me a reason to doubt his character when he was alive. 

Grandpa Tex died of a heart attack while doing what he loved, fishing while visiting family in Texas, leaving behind his wife Rainy, children Joyce, Karl (my father), Roy, and Pat and many grandchildren.

Footnote: This and other entries may be edited, added to, and, when needed, corrected to fit the facts at a later date.